Just like most students up and down the country, I have found these past couple of months very stressful. As someone who never usually gets stressed (I'm a firm believer in what's meant to happen will, and what will be will be.) on the rare occasions it does happen, I just don't know what it is or how to deal with it.
My stress recently has come from a number of sources: flatmates, the unexpected death of an old school friend, lecturers, exams, E-On/EDF energy (a whole other story!) and last night came the final blow: an absolutely abyssmal coursework grade of 45%. This is not just any old piece of coursework either, but a research proposal upon which my final year project will be based. 45%? I rarely get anything under 65. I saw the mark and stared in disbelief, before entering Stage 1: Denial.
During Stage 1 I laughed it off, I "lol"ed at it. I told a friend and joked about it. But then it hit me. Stage 2: Sadness. I realised that this was disaterous. I had a fail on my record. I cried and cried and thoughts of dropping out and leaving began entering my head, but I fought them back. I felt so stupid. How could I get 45% in geography? Geography! It's not rocket science! Well I know how it happened. Bring on Stage 3: Anger.
The entire module was so poorly run. The entire course is poorly run: the lecturers simply do not care about students and their performances. My geography department is rated number 1 in the country for research and is graced with the presence of world-renowned scientists. However, they like to keep their immense knowledge to themselves. Trying to get a meeting with one of them is like drawing blood from a stone. I even recalled an email sent to my whole tutor group from my tutor regarding a draft for said research proposal. It read "For all our sakes, don't even bother". As a tutor group, how are we expected be enthusiatic and want to work when we're told not to even bother doing a draft. Well, what can I do about it?
Stage 4: Revelation.
It's not all that bad really. The average mark for that module is indeed over 50% which although isn't fantastic, it's alright and there is scope to improve next year. And there's no point in worrying until results day anyway. Who knows, I might well have scored 90% in all my exams. I've done some research and am hopefully going outside the department next year to take a module in International Environmental Law. Perhaps the lawyers will care for me and help me where the geographers fail miserably. So only the future will tell. With a little encouragement and attention deserving of any hard working student, I might discover that I'm not so stupid afterall...
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